she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Randomize
