In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
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