I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
