I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
