Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
