I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
