I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Randomize
