thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
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