hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Randomize
