Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
