i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
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