I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
