my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Randomize
