life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
