my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Randomize
