I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Randomize
