Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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