The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Did we literally take a cab across the street
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
