please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
