It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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