i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
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