I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
