this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize
