I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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