WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
