I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
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took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
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