This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
if only i could text you this smell
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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