And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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