Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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