I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
