You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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