The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
