Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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