was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Randomize
