And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Randomize
