True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Randomize
