You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
i was born a porn star she said
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
