The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
