you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
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