I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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