Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
