You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
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