You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
is that a dick in a sweater?
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
