wrigley field is MILF paradise
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
