I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
