So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
