What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
