Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
