Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
