thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize