Can i not drive my cunt home
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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