we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
