is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Randomize
