Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
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