apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Randomize
