This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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