When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
We left an ass print on the piano.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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