I'm lost and stupid without you.
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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