I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Randomize
