Fine. I'll sleep in my office
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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