So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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