please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
