Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
You made out with two different species that night
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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