Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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