im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
There are leaves in my underwear?
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