Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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