it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
