Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
