I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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